Squirrels at Calvin are completely a thing. These weird tree-rats seem to form highly sophisticated social groups which widely range through the arboreal campus of this noble college. Do they have families? Are there feuds, fights, fracas and fraptious frenzy? Alas, no naturalist am I, but even to the layman something seems always afoot for these sock-colored mammals. As distinct flashes of furry, grayish, oft-immaculate pelt-lightning, noisome dispositions ranging from chatty to skittish, squirrels provide vital visual interest on one's transit to-and-fro between classes. These dumbed-down monkeys sometimes wander into anthropomorphic terrain. Is that speech I hear in yonder tree? I look up to see a squirrel surely proffering a "u wot m8," beady eyes ablaze with the ire only a 750-gram mammal could hope to dispense. As all good Calvin students should, I take a moment to discern what is happening. I place maximum likelihood on some territorial indiscretion, and slowly back away, hands raised!
He returns to his nut. We both are likely soon to forget. Or are we?
The variety of squirrels seen at Calvin may best be described as Mother Nature hedging her bets. Rotund, willowy, ornate, enormous, petite, haggard, circumspect, trusting, wise — all these could be dispersed among the squirrels at Calvin like a dice-roll of description, and each adjective would yet be guaranteed a worthy suitor. What I mean here is the old Oxford English can breath a sigh for its writers: they need only send a photographer of some skill to snap these serendipitous mammals in all their daily activities to perfectly capture so many words. The variety of floofy fauna beggars belief, each squirrel is an invitation to ponder the myriad manifestations of rodentia. Here one approaches the Jello Rock, here another spectacularly leaps in suspended, flying gallop ‘twixt trees, over air — yet another twirls (mimicking DNA’s helical dance?) ‘round trunk undizzied, unconcerned. Each squirrel nonchalantly fulfills its daily activities with a devotion surely the meditation of every monk.
Consider the squirrels, how they store up nuts, yet neither plant nor tend, yet I tell you, no student in all her dining hall access is fed like one of these!
I anticipate their antics, yet remain surprised — I suspect their scurrilous gossip, yet a squiggly squirrel lends no tongue for the ear of humankind. Who can fathom the agile depths of a muscly mega-mouse? I cannot; only marvel remains to me.